Winter Funk

Yesterday I went on my first run since I've been here. I normally try to incorporate a significant amount of exercise into my daily routine, but the past few weeks it's been difficult to motivate myself to move after a long day in front of a computer-- especially since the sun is well on its way to setting by 5, when I get off work. But yesterday afternoon is geared up in my running tights and long-sleeved zip up, prepared to brave the elements that accompany any eastern european winter. Surprised, I left my apartments and entered into what felt like 65 degree weather! I checked later and it was only 46, but the sun was shining and people were out with their dogs- sometimes it seemed they had heard an American would be out running and didn't want to miss the show. A lot of people stared at me. One woman was just awkward about it, so I smiled and waved. :)

One of the reasons it was so important for me to get out and exercise is that I'm feeling like I'm slipping into my annual winter funk. Although the symptoms resemble a light depression, it feels more like an incredibly calm indifference. Actually it's not always a bad thing. I feel exhausted and relaxed at the same time.. but all the time. Kind of unmotivated, listless even. But I'm from Alaska and this is the first time I've lived anywhere south of Seattle (latitude-wise), so these sorts of swings are not unfamiliar. And some of it is the weather.

But some of it is my frustration with work right now. As I've said many times, my coworkers are incredibly great and very well intentioned, but I can only imagine how difficult it is to have a non-Macedonian speaking 'Academic Intern" with them. They can't give me busy work, but I also have to have things that are recordable to the program and it's goals. Which is great and I would be thrilled doing it, if they seemed to have the work for me. When I was given my placement, I was told I was attractive to the PEP project because I speak German and I'm interested in conflict resolution/prevention through dialogue and education. And yes, that speaks directly to one area of my Scope of Work. However, that is the part I haven't started. In the mean time, I've been working on Green Schools. When I work with Milica, from the other organization, I am excited and feel useful and productive. But for the past full week, I've had very little to do. Today I asked if I could take on some research in the field of educational funding in relationship with the government-- so tracking how educational policy and its funding has changed since 1991 when Macedonia became a democracy. I was told that it really didn't have anything to do with my project and that we needed to show that all of my time was being used to help the project. But for the past week, very little I've done has helped the project.

I'm not complaining and I'm sorry if it comes off that way. I needed to vent briefly. I am at my happiest when I am engaged intellectually and am stimulated by whatever task I am given - which often can be any task at all. I understand and appreciate the work that everyone around me is doing and see that it is difficult to have a new person without language skills to try and keep busy.

Hopefully the days will continue getting longer- they're already 10 hours!, the weather will get nicer and I will get busier.

Until then, I'll continue doing the things I know will best help me in gettin' thru the funk!

Love,
Tess